Friday, 16 September 2016

TGIF, Have a Laughter Filled Weekend!


Image result for kiddie jokes

I can’t stop laffin
Just love this kids
Teacher: How old is your father?
Kid: He is 6 years.
Teacher: What? How is this possible?
Kid: He became father only when I was born.
Logic!!
👌😳


Children Are Quick and Always Speak Their Minds
_______________________________
TEACHER:    Joseph, go to the map and find North America .
JOSEPH:         Here it is.
TEACHER:   Correct.  Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Joseph.
_______________________________
TEACHER:    Wale, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
WALE:          You told me to do it without using the tables.
_______________________________
TEACHER:  Adigun , how do you spell 'crocodile?'
ADIGUN:      K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER:  No, that's wrong
ADIGUN:       Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.  
(I  Love this child)
_______________________________
TEACHER:   Rebecca , what is the chemical formula for water?
REBECCA :     H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER:   What are you talking about?
REBECCA:    Yesterday you said it's H to O.  
_______________________________
TEACHER:   Moses, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
MOSES:       Me!
_______________________________
TEACHER:   Abraham, why do you always get so dirty?        
ABRAHAM:          Well, I'm a  lot closer to the ground than you are.  
_______________________________
TEACHER:     Hannah , give me a sentence starting with '  I.  '
HANNAH:         I  is...
TEACHER:     No, Hannah ...... always say, 'I  am.'
HANNAH:         All right...  'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet'      
_______________________________
TEACHER:    George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Peter, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
PETER:          Because George still had the axe in his hand......    
_______________________________
TEACHER:    Now, Racheal, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
RACHAEL :       No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.  
______________________________
TEACHER:       Kehinde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
KEHINDE :         No sir, It's the same dog.    
(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
____________________________
TEACHER:    Peter, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Peter:     A teacher
_______________________________

Why Does He Love So Much?

Image result for god's love for man quotes
When in a relationship, we all want to be loved. Sometimes we are so selfish in receiving that love we don’t give back as much as we want to receive. Which brings me to my question. Why does He love me so much?
No, this has nothing to do with man, but with God.
I am one of those people who easily feel indebted when a good deed is done in my favour, I always start thinking of ways to give back to whomever my benefactor is. That is a bit difficult sometimes with people, but with God it is rather easy, but still…
Think about it, the things we can do or give to God are usually intangible, but they matter a lot. Our Time, Faith, Commitment, Love…they do not cost a thing (I am not saying you shouldn’t give to Charity, Pay Tithes and Offerings o!), but I am saying the most important things that God wants us to give back in appreciation for all He does for us, do not cost a thing.
Last night before I dozed off, I was thinking of how much I take God’s grace and love for granted.
I will not want to be late for work, but can sometimes go late to church.
I will sometimes pay my bills and solve pressing problems and put off my tithes for next month
I will keep business appointments, but sometimes fail to keep the appointments with God
I can binge watch and binge read Game Of Thrones, Blacklist, House of Cards etc but how many hours do I spend on the word of God each day.
I want to make a conscious effort, because in so many ways God has shown me so much Love that I feel guilty not reciprocating as much.
Makes me wonder, with all my flaws and lapses, Why Does He Love Me So Much?


Thursday, 23 June 2016

Have You Been Working Out Lately?


I had a chat with my doctor after a bout of malaria two weeks ago, I wanted to be sure the malaria was gone, and what was wrong with me was just work related stress and the stupid opportunistic cold and catarrh that always seem to trail me afterwards. He confirmed my fear, Stress and lack of exercise! Truth is, even before he said it, I knew.

I used to be one of those people who would say, "I work too hard jare, is that not enough exercise?" Now I know better of course.

When I first started leisurely jogging and skipping, my friends, especially the fat/chubby ones would laugh at me and say I would disappear since I am kinda on the skinny side, but I know that being slim/thin/skinny does not automatically mean being fit and healthy, so I have learnt to ignore them and try to stay on course. I hate feeling tired and stressed all the time and my work out has been paying off. I do a fifteen minute skip or jog each morning and it helps prepare me physically and mentally, then my devotion does another bit on spiritual and mental being. I haven’t been doing this for too long, so I really pray I continue and not dump it half way, cos it sure feels gooooooood.

I spoke to a friend of mine yesterday about my new found love for workout, and he told me he does his exercise mentally, that he runs in his mind, the lazy bum! lol

Anyhoo, I have not been blogging much lately, seems like I have no interesting story to tell, no yarn to spin, hopefully all that will change when I go on my vacation, and this temporary writers bloc I have will vamoose!

But my colleague just jogged my clogged mind a few minutes ago when she said wives are unpaid helps?

Hmmmmm, interesting lets see if this lazy writer can do something with that tomorrow, right now its fifteen minutes before I close for the day, so I gotta round up and head home...home to the Game of Thrones and hopefully I get to watch that bastard Bolton die! #GOT

Cheers!

Monday, 20 June 2016

The CSO Called 'Mommy'

I grew up wondering why my mum was always walking the corridors at night. Late at night I mean. We would hear her in the kitchen making sure the pots where covered properly, checked the boys room to make sure the fan was switched of when it was cold (we always had it on no matter the weather), she would do same with the girls room and the we would all be so cold and huddled under the covers but just too lazy to get out of bed.
She would continue to the living room to make sure we turned off the TV, check all entry doors to ensure they were securely locked and after the physical patrol, she would hit the spiritual. My mum can pray and read the bible sha. She would pray for everyone of us individually, pray for my dad, her siblings, our neighbours and everyone she could remember, maybe she even prayed for our dogs so they don't fall ill. Lol
We teased her about always being on patrol like a security man, and my mischievous younger brother aptly named her 'The CSO' and we all agreed in our family whatsapp group chat. Lol
Some of you can relate. Fathers are great, but mothers are just too amazing for words! well, some mothers.
I thought my mum was a 'worrier' and she should give herself a break from mummy duties, but NEVER! Most of us are in our 30's, married, live in other states and continents but still, I can bet you my mum knows where every child and grandchild is as I type.
Your flight touches down in any state or country, first caller is 'The CSO'
Now that I am a mum, I see things differently, I try not to worry a lot about my kid, but I can see just how easy it is to love someone so much you always feel responsible for them.
Shout out to all the amazing mothers out there, I know it's a day after 'FATHER'S DAY' and I am looking for trouble, but a little trouble never hurt nobody.

Sunday, 19 June 2016

Happy Father's Day!


To all the awesome Fathers and to those mothers who have been forced to be 'daddies' for whatever reasons,
We salute you!

Friday, 19 February 2016

Portion du gateaux: Making Delight With Sugar n' Spice!


Portion du gateaux, pronounced 'portiondugato' is a dessert making company that has been in existence for a few.
We started baking cakes for family and friends and have now expanded our tentacles to making desserts for events all around Nigeria. 
We provide top notch dessert service for different celebrations...Our dessert style is made to fit whatever theme of your celebration, be it buffet style or whatever service desired.
All kinds of desserts, patisseries, hors d'oeuvres are show cased based on your individual preference. We have tasty fruit trees,  chocolate fountain, sweet and savoury desserts all made by experts.

We have well trained team that would add finesse and that touch of professionalism to your event.

Contact us using any of the details below:
Instagram: @portiondugateaux

Thursday, 18 February 2016

Supporting Internally Displaced Persons #IDPclothesDrive


I just saw an advert online concerning IDP’s (Internally Displaced Persons) and I thought it would be nice to have everyone involved.

Did you know that;
  • 2 million plus Nigerians have been displaced!
  • 60,000 children are being born in displaced person camps this 2015 alone! 

Did you also know that you can make a difference to their lives at no extra cost?

Your old clothes, shoes, cover cloth/old blankets, those of your kids and siblings that you are willing to part with can be donated to help give them some comfort.
 

Thursday, 11 February 2016

We Are Still Breathing is Selling out Online and in Stores!



I was so sure I could speak Pidgin English fluently, but that all changed when I visited Warri for the first time.
My folks had moved from Bariga to Muyibi Street in Ajegunle when I was three years old. For some reasons they felt trading one neighborhood for the other would make a difference to our financial situation, they thought wrong.

We lived a communal life back then. Sharing facilities with neighbours and taking turn to use these facilities made you know more about your neighbours than you cared to.

I was only 13 years old when papa decided he wanted to marry another wife. His excuse was that I was still an only child after almost 15 years of marriage; worse still, a girl child. Maybe if I were a boy he would have thought differently. Mama was very indifferent when he told her his plans, if I remember correctly. She didn’t seem to care. Theirs had been an arranged marriage, mama had been given to papa who was about fifteen years older to cement some family friendship and keep the miserable rubber plantation both family owned somewhere in Igieduma, a village along the Benin-Auchi highway.



Papa had always been mean to mama and never treated her with any respect, he was also a philanderer. The little he made he squandered on drinks and women. We heard his ‘new wife’ was a product of his wandering ways. 

Her name was Ini. There were lots of stories about papa’s new wife, Ini. She was rumoured to be very generous with her ‘favours’. She had two boys for two different fathers and a third on its way that she claimed was papa’s heir. Everyone assumed she was using juju on papa to make him marry her, but we did not think so.

Funny how papa loved the words ‘heir’ and threw it around like there was actually an inheritance.



I think mama secretly felt sorry for Ini, knowing that once she became papa’s wife the little allowances she got from him would stop, and she would no longer be single or free to collect monies from ‘other sources’.

I wondered how we would all live in the single room and parlour that was barely enough for the three of us. Now pregnant Ini would be at home and mama and I would have to convert the parlour into our room.

Mama decided to have a talk with papa and that move changed our life.

March is usually the hottest time of the year. The peak of the dry season and all traces of harmattan were completely gone with the month of February. There was always that stillness of air. The heat was sweltering and you could actually tell the breeze had stopped blowing completely because the trees were still, not a leaf or a branch moved.

Mama had made yam porridge and as was common with her, she had sliced the popular ‘scent leave’. It was one of papa’s favourite meals; she wanted to butter him up for the discussion.



He came back from work, where he worked as a driver, a little earlier than usual because his madam had travelled out of the country.



Have you fetched water for your father?

Mama had asked me to take the blue plastic bucket with the metal handle filed with water to the bathroom at the back of the building. I was also to make sure no one was using it then come call papa.

I told her I had done as instructed and stayed outside. She nodded.

I went outside to talk with Kemi my neighbour’s daughter. We were very close and always talked about ‘making it’ and moving up to Ladipo which was a lot less rowdy and was actually a better neighborhood. For us, Ikoyi was too far a dream; Apapa was as close as we dared.

I left Kemi to come eavesdrop after a while and I could hear papa and mama clearly.

WE ARE STILL BREATHING still available on Konga, TerraKulture and Amazon

Tuesday, 19 January 2016

The Passenger - An Excerpt from WE ARE STILL BREATHING by Dianah Ose Aigiomawu

Dealing with people is probably the biggest problem you face, especially if you are in business. Yes, and that is also true if you are a housewife, architect or engineer.

Oga driver abeg na, make you pass Ajao side go Airport I am running late’ I said to the driver after two hours in traffic. There had been an accident on the third mainland bridge and I was nowhere near the airport for my flight to Benin.

I had been trying to secure an appointment with the Minister of Works and Housing for close to three months and I had just found out from a reliable source that he was attending the wedding of an Edo State dignitary’s daughter, Obehi.  Obehi and I had been good friends from our days at the University in England so I had an invite.

It was Saturday the day of the wedding and I was not going to miss it for anything. I had a well-crafted plan nicely thought out and I was going to give him an elevator pitch, thirty seconds that would leave him longing for more information, then I would strike.

The minister of Works and Housing was known for his ingenious ideas and out of the of the box approach to tackling problems. I was sure my ideas on affordable housing would impress him, if only I could get him to hear them.

I was all set in my grey Kaftan, my ipad and an overnight pilot bag. I knew I would need to spend the night in Benin, at least party with Obehi and her husband. That was secondary, my mission was the minister, Dr. Raji Tongo.

I looked at my watch again, it was 11:30am, my flight was originally a 12 noon flight, but the airline had called to ‘reschedule’, the flight was now scheduled for 1:30pm. This they did at 9am when I had already checked in online and headed for the airport.

I had cursed and sworn at them for a while, but now I was grateful they did as there was no way I would have made it to the airport for 12 noon.

Fifteen minutes later we were on the same spot just descending the third mainland bridge and I knew Mobolaji Bank Anthony was an unreliable route to take, it would always be traffic jammed at this time on a Saturday. The fuel stations at the roundabout were always the major cause of the traffic, and then the Catholic Church at the turn to Mende would most likely have a wedding going on.

So I emphasized again ‘Driver, please take Oshodi and enter through Ajao’ I said.

‘Oga, I no deaf na, I hear you the first time’ the driver said irritably. He muttered inaudibly under his breath.

The day had started off badly. I woke up a bit later than I wanted to. My flat mate was supposed to take me to the airport from our apartment in the estate before VGC, but that was not to be as his car failed to start.

After several trouble shooting attempts, I quickly resorted to call a Car hire company. While two of them said the time was too short and there was no available vehicle, I found a winner with the third and I quickly showered and waited.

It was almost 9am and the cab was meant to pick me up at 8:45, so I called the company again.

‘Hello, my name is Onaivi I booked a cab earlier’ I stated. ‘I am still waiting for it even though it was meant to be here at 8:45am’

The lady on the other end answered in a very bored tone ‘It’s just 9:55 na, be patient, I am sure the driver is on his way’ she said ‘You know Ajah is far, if you were in V.I or Lekki it would be easier’ she succinctly reminded me that it was my fault for not living in the better part of the Island.

I was about to say something rude or explain that the Chevron round about was not Ajah but thought better, so instead I asked ‘Please can I have the driver’s number so I know where he is’.

She gave me the number and hung up almost immediately. Poor service was the least of my worries at that point; I just wanted to get to the airport in time.

I called the driver; I dialed three times before he finally picked up his phone.

Thursday, 14 January 2016

WE ARE STILL BREATHING by Dianah Ose Aigiomawu

Hello People! Okay, I know I have abandoned blogging for a while, but now you can see why. I have been busy doing something I have always loved, WRITING!
I present to you, my first published work WE ARE STILL BREATHING.
Still breathing is a collection of witty, ‘Feel good’ stories inspired by real people
The stories have been told uniquely so each character reminds you of someone next door, a few friends have had the privilege of reading the drafts before it was published and they all seem to relate with the characters in the book.
Each story transcends beyond the borders of pain, sadness, sorrow and ultimately triumph.
They are all still breathing…all but one that means a lot to me.

My friends have already ordered their copies and they think it's great, not like they have a choice they are my friends and have all been FORCED asked to buy their copies. Lol
Do buy yours and tell me what you think, even if you hate it just buy it first and send me a mail telling me how much you hate it. Lol
You can read excerpts of the book online HERE
You can order on Konga.com
If you reside outside Nigeria , you can place your HERE on CompletelyNovel

WE ARE STILL BREATHING is being distributed by
www.bluewatersmarketing.com
info@bluewatersmarketing.com